Mushing Around Life
MUSHING AROUND IN LIFE
I remember the challenges of life according to Carlos Casteneda: Fear, Knowledge, Power and Apathy.
Apathy has got me!
I know the world is a mess, and I can’t think of a single effective action I could take about it, except that I do go to vote. I donate money sometimes, to worthy causes, like Tsunami relief through NW Medical teams. I really like to camphost, which is volunteer work, nice for interaction with strangers, but not great stuff. “Social work” as in helping the Native Americans or otherwise poor, or the poor of other nations even, seems so arrogant. They are not more miserable without my help. The challenges they face are theirs, and in most countries it seems to me their own national greed keeps them as they are. (For example, look how “helpful” we have been in Iraq! We didn’t assess the problems properly and don’t have the solutions.) So I pick up trash in parks and on beaches.
I know the Catholic Church is messed up. I worked there for years and contributed every skill and spare minute I had. But I don’t think I made a difference, so I don’t go there anymore, and don’t contribute. And they don’t seem to miss me. The best I can do for the RCC is NOT help.
I can create in the artistic sense. So I have pictures, journals, wall hangings, albums, articles published, labyrinths in half a dozen places, a lovely home environment. But I have no push to do anything more at the moment, and no ideas really. I am ignoring the yardwork that needs to be done and care less than I should about cleaning and so forth.
I have generated another generation, bearing and raising four children who seem to be independent, helpful, contributing people. Now I am the matriarch of this family, and I happily hold it together with holiday and other gatherings, presents and memory making. I babysit grandkids on request, but I am not really into small child life. I really like some of my cousins and siblings, but I am on good terms, I think, with all of them.
I am still a life companion to my husband and an assortment of friends. I communicate with each of them quite often, with support and help any way I can think of at the time. I have a new dog companion, and a very old cat whom I will have to put down in the not too distant future.
I am learning more about who I am really, through reflection, through past life stories that I write, through meditation and through feedback from current relationships. I have a new interest in Buddhism, in mythology and the universal truths of spirituality, but I have left behind the old practices of Christianity, for the most part. I retain my daily prayer.
I still like to read, but expect a good story and reasonably intelligent characters driven by higher motivations than money or sex. Of late I enjoy detective series on TV.
Socially I participate in Wings for spiritual outlet, Curves for exercise, Chrysalis to inspire me to write, and the Red Hat Society for events I would like company for.
I lack energy. I fall asleep by 9 p.m. and occasionally during the day too. My night vision is poor and my day vision is far from perfect, even with glasses. My blood sugar is a little elevated as is my BP and I never lose weight, only gain a pound every year! My hair is mostly white. My fingernails are still short and flat and nothing seems to improve that except fake nails. But I am pretty much free of aches and pains and disease, so I really can’t complain about health issues, athough I am not interested in taking up cross country biking or anything stressful like that. The body isn’t very willing anymore, definitely on the “down side” of the hill.
What I would like to be/do/have more than now, specifically?
Weekly golf game. Need some lessons first and practice balls and companions.
Annual two months of camphosting, Oregon or elsewhere.
Winters along the Colorado River (casinos are the drawback), with holidays and Wings Retreat at home. Or just stay home mostly and go to Hawaii or somewhere for a while.
An outlet for my need to contribute more in effort and time, rather than money.
Skill at meditating.
But there ought to be more! More I want to do. More Someone needs me to do. I am waiting on the Universe to ask, I guess, when one of the Big Lessons is to decide for oneself. Choose. Choice.
Apathy happens when you’ve tried everything you can think of but it doesn’t work, and your body gives out. You sit in the sun (when it shines) with your back to the wall and just vegetate. I wish there was more purpose than getting dressed, eating, and changing clothes again. Yes, a puppy is fun, but not a life purpose unfolding. At least, I doubt that.
Of course, maybe Castenada wasn't right about the last stage. Maybe one should give up having and doing things. Hindus recognize that as a valid state in life, a time of rest and reflection. Maybe I am doing exactly what I am supposed to do!
---------------------------------------------------
Comments & Questions? Email: womenbefriends@yahoo.com
I remember the challenges of life according to Carlos Casteneda: Fear, Knowledge, Power and Apathy.
Apathy has got me!
I know the world is a mess, and I can’t think of a single effective action I could take about it, except that I do go to vote. I donate money sometimes, to worthy causes, like Tsunami relief through NW Medical teams. I really like to camphost, which is volunteer work, nice for interaction with strangers, but not great stuff. “Social work” as in helping the Native Americans or otherwise poor, or the poor of other nations even, seems so arrogant. They are not more miserable without my help. The challenges they face are theirs, and in most countries it seems to me their own national greed keeps them as they are. (For example, look how “helpful” we have been in Iraq! We didn’t assess the problems properly and don’t have the solutions.) So I pick up trash in parks and on beaches.
I know the Catholic Church is messed up. I worked there for years and contributed every skill and spare minute I had. But I don’t think I made a difference, so I don’t go there anymore, and don’t contribute. And they don’t seem to miss me. The best I can do for the RCC is NOT help.
I can create in the artistic sense. So I have pictures, journals, wall hangings, albums, articles published, labyrinths in half a dozen places, a lovely home environment. But I have no push to do anything more at the moment, and no ideas really. I am ignoring the yardwork that needs to be done and care less than I should about cleaning and so forth.
I have generated another generation, bearing and raising four children who seem to be independent, helpful, contributing people. Now I am the matriarch of this family, and I happily hold it together with holiday and other gatherings, presents and memory making. I babysit grandkids on request, but I am not really into small child life. I really like some of my cousins and siblings, but I am on good terms, I think, with all of them.
I am still a life companion to my husband and an assortment of friends. I communicate with each of them quite often, with support and help any way I can think of at the time. I have a new dog companion, and a very old cat whom I will have to put down in the not too distant future.
I am learning more about who I am really, through reflection, through past life stories that I write, through meditation and through feedback from current relationships. I have a new interest in Buddhism, in mythology and the universal truths of spirituality, but I have left behind the old practices of Christianity, for the most part. I retain my daily prayer.
I still like to read, but expect a good story and reasonably intelligent characters driven by higher motivations than money or sex. Of late I enjoy detective series on TV.
Socially I participate in Wings for spiritual outlet, Curves for exercise, Chrysalis to inspire me to write, and the Red Hat Society for events I would like company for.
I lack energy. I fall asleep by 9 p.m. and occasionally during the day too. My night vision is poor and my day vision is far from perfect, even with glasses. My blood sugar is a little elevated as is my BP and I never lose weight, only gain a pound every year! My hair is mostly white. My fingernails are still short and flat and nothing seems to improve that except fake nails. But I am pretty much free of aches and pains and disease, so I really can’t complain about health issues, athough I am not interested in taking up cross country biking or anything stressful like that. The body isn’t very willing anymore, definitely on the “down side” of the hill.
What I would like to be/do/have more than now, specifically?
Weekly golf game. Need some lessons first and practice balls and companions.
Annual two months of camphosting, Oregon or elsewhere.
Winters along the Colorado River (casinos are the drawback), with holidays and Wings Retreat at home. Or just stay home mostly and go to Hawaii or somewhere for a while.
An outlet for my need to contribute more in effort and time, rather than money.
Skill at meditating.
But there ought to be more! More I want to do. More Someone needs me to do. I am waiting on the Universe to ask, I guess, when one of the Big Lessons is to decide for oneself. Choose. Choice.
Apathy happens when you’ve tried everything you can think of but it doesn’t work, and your body gives out. You sit in the sun (when it shines) with your back to the wall and just vegetate. I wish there was more purpose than getting dressed, eating, and changing clothes again. Yes, a puppy is fun, but not a life purpose unfolding. At least, I doubt that.
Of course, maybe Castenada wasn't right about the last stage. Maybe one should give up having and doing things. Hindus recognize that as a valid state in life, a time of rest and reflection. Maybe I am doing exactly what I am supposed to do!
---------------------------------------------------
Comments & Questions? Email: womenbefriends@yahoo.com
posted by MJS at 9:15 AM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home