Someone You Know

So how should you react when someone you know continually plays the victim, taking your time and energy to listen to endless complaints?

Rules for those involved, in all communications:

Remember you are not a qualified counsellor. Refer him/her to professional help. “AA groups meet everywhere, and provide free counselling.”

Do not enable. Make no financial contributions, even if asked. State why: “Dr. Phil would say ‘Money is not the base problem here.’” Gamblers Anon would say never solve financial problems, as that is not the problem.

Use reflective conversations, restating what he/she says, so he/he knows you did hear and understood. “So what you mean is…. “ “It sounds like you’re thinking…”

Tell the truth, kindly, when asked for an opinion. Do not offer opinions unasked as he/she won’t listen anyway. “I think you have several options here, but it’s up to you.” “What energy are you putting out that invites others to victimize you this way?’ “ What action can YOU take to change this situation?” “What part of that would you say You are responsible for?”

Give hugs, smiles, encouraging notes, gifts of time or hospitality, if so inclined.




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